Sometimes, school means:

"I really don't think the dad's being abusive. I see him as a regular hard-working man, with dirt on his hands and everything, just trying to support his family. So what if he drinks a little when he comes home, and wants to romp around with his son a bit? He can't really mean to be that rough. They're just dancing. I ( Read more... )

If the multiple universes hypothesis is true (which would just amount to another way in which Phillip Pullman is really the never-credited author of all Western philosophy), I think the past few weeks have let me peek under the thinner curtain's folds. Here's the reality fissure: there were a few months, back in the hormone-hazed distance of ( Read more... )

My dorm situation might not be a total loss -- an Uber-Houser told me that I'm living in this unknown "College Inn", which I believe used to be a motel (though the otherwise was sworn to me). We found it in some far-lost corner of campus; I'll have a bit 'o walking to do to get to classes and food and such. But, I get a private bath and a balcony ( Read more... )

( ...put it behind a cut! )

Here's a sampling of how I will remember my high school groupies when I'm too old to function on proper neurons: once again, I transcribe it exactly as it is written, thereby keeping proper journalistic tact ( Read more... )

"And I'm a college student!" Well, at least I'm no longer a high school student. It is officially over. And all you Denveroos (yes, that does mean you) reading this are cordially invited to a graduation shindig at about noonish on the 25th. Comment if you're interested and want directions. There will be much food, and maybe even a Communist ( Read more... )

Because lightning will obviously smite my sinful soul if I dare go into more detail, here I will describe each of the three AP tests I have taken so far with an expressive grunt and/or nonsense ( Read more... )

To my senior project:

I just presented you, and if I failed and have to do it again, there will be much vengence.

Either way, you're burning in some empty parking lot right at 5:00.

Two things for you today:

First, a letter from Ayatollah Khamenei, the Supreme Leader of Iran, to Allah. I promise it's 100% verifiable, except that I wrote it. Enjoy, if the Lord wills it so. Ma sha' Allah!

( Grand Inquisitor's wearing a turban )

If you ever happen to be a random freshman guy in the hallways, and you think it might be funny to "accidentally" grab people's hands from behind, just to watch them twitch, let it be known that such hijinks only work when the person whose hand you grab hadn't just heard you loudly exclaiming to your friends about how funny it would be ( Read more... )